does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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