just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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