dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
