Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
