he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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