I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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