so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
