Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
