Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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