The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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