trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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