I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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