I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
