im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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