just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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