Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
