Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize