And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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