He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
