Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
