i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
