I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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