i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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