you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
