If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
