I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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