sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
