I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
