grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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