So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My balls are so social today.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
