I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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