Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
