i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
