Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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