If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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