You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
