New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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