I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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