Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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