That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
