bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
