Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize