Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
