Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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