I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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