Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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