My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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