Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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