You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
