At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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