Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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