I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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