I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need moral support for this bender
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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