I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
