Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize