Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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