If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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