Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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