**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
