So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
