his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
