Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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